Sublunary
by SorridoSole
Summary: Remus appeared to be normal boy; small and skinny, brilliant but shy. But if they knew him for what he was, they would fear him, and fear cannot be trusted. From first bite, the tale of one Remus John Lupin. UPDATED!
1. Chapter 1

Hey everyone! Welcome to my new story, Sublunary, which I am very pleased with thus far. I'm hoping to take it to places I couldn't take my old story, translunary, in terms of quality of writing, and story line, character development.... and everything else a story requires. So enjoy, and I really hope u like it!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**Preamble.**

Through the trees, and down a river, Deep in an unnamed valley in northern Europe, sits a quaint blue cottage with a white picket fence. The paint is just as it was fifty years ago. The windows are dark, and the trees grow closer and closer by the day, a predator slowly stalking its prey. The roof is slate and uneven, but solid, as if weather has never touched its surface. The door is bolted shut.

Inside, dust covers ghostly old furniture. The front door leads to the sitting room, tiny, cozy, with a white brick fireplace and sky blue walls. If clean, it would seem to belong in southern France. Faux yellow flowers sit dingy in a crystal vase on a corner table. Pictures, some still and dead, yellow in frames on the mantel, while others wave enthusiastically at no one in particular, a monotonous existence of people long gone.

Through a thin doorway is the kitchen, its tiles neglected and dirty. 2 plates with napkins and forks are placed on the table eerily, as if its occupancy suddenly left existence just before they sat down to eat. A bowl and cutting board remain in the sink, crusted from unwashed meals.

Through the sitting room once more, and up a narrow winding staircase, the attic is yet another ghost . The walls here are paneled in unfinished planks. Posters are scattered in no particular pattern, or have fallen to the floor. A scarlet and gold flag with a rearing lion hangs in pristine condition over a perfectly made bed. On the bed; a wrapped package, its paper plain brown, with yellow and blue ribbon giving it some festive hints. A note sits atop the package, signed by a mother long distant from her child.

Fifty years ago, in a quaint blue cottage with a white picket fence, the Lupin family prepared their only son for bed. Remus was a joyful boy, with light brown hair and twinkling blue eyes. As an energetic 6 year old with a passion for astronomy like his father, he was particularly hard to put to sleep tonight.

"Daddy can't I stay out and watch the moon with you tonight?" he wined, John Lupin looked over towards his wife Mary for an answer. She remained strict.

"No. It's late as it is. And he has school tomorrow." She said sternly. "Maybe on the weekend."

"Oh, come on Mary," John whined just as well as his son. "at least for one glance at it? It's the harvest moon, after all."

She huffed. "Fine. But if he doesn't get up in time for school, you're the one bringing him."

John smiled and lifted his son into his arms. Remus was small for his age, and the feety-pajamas given to him by his grandparents were a bit to big.

"be careful! And not too long, now." Mary called from the kitchen door.

John carried Remus outside along a dirt trail leading towards a large oak tree a few hundred yards from the house. Here a winding staircase circled the tree, leading to a small platform above the foliage, held up by too little support beams, and too much magic.. The trees and the sky were the only things visible for miles. The platform was empty, save for a large telescope at one end. Remus struggled out of his Father's arms, and ran towards the telescope.

"Daddy, look!" he pointed up at something in the sky. Remus grabbed the end of the telescope and pointed it in that direction. "It's a comet, I think! I can see it's tail!"

John watched his son with pride. "Remus, look at the moon."

Remus turned towards his father and looked up. The moon was yellow, and so bright it lit up his face with odd shadows. "Oh, wow! Daddy, that's the harvest moon?"

"Yes."

"It's pretty!" he smiled, his eyes big and bright.

"Yes, it is."

They stared up at it for a few moments, until a howl off in the distance broke the silence. John looked down at his son. "We better be getting back, your Mother is going to have my head."

"Okay." he said reluctantly.

"Come on, if we get home fast enough, maybe we can have some hot cocoa."

"Okay!" Remus flew down the stairs with the enthusiasm and speed of any child persuaded with sweets. His father followed him a bit more slowly. When he got down to the ground, Remus was out of sight.

"Remus?" he called. He heard his son's laughter. "Remus!"

"Daddy!" Remus called back. He was still no where in sight. "Look!"

"Remus where are you?"

John heard Remus giggle again.

"Doggy!" he heard Remus say. A low growl echoed through the woods. John's heart jumped. His son shrieked.

"Remus! Get back here!"

Suddenly, from behind him, he heard a snarl. John spun on his heels.

A wolf, massive and strong, glared at him. An evil smile seemed to trace its bloody chops. Blood that was not its own….

He heard his son's whimpers, vicious growls, the rustle of the woods…and he froze.

The wolf gave him an awful look, its eyes full of hunger, before retreating. Remus' whimpers faded.

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"He's dangerous Sir! He is a monster now, and you best get rid of him, before it's too late. The ministry can take care of it with dignity and-" the voice was pompous and sharp, and even though Remus didn't know what he was saying, he didn't like it.

"Get the hell out of the way, before I hex you!"

"Sir, its regulation. Don't make me call security- "

"Regulation my ass, that's my son in there. My _son. _Not some monster. You're not taking him away from me."

Remus moaned. His father's yells were off somewhere. He didn't know where. His eyelids felt heavy. He heard a door click.

"Sir, Remus is awake." said a gentle female voice.

"Sedate him again. There's no need for him to be awake at this point."

"No! You're all monsters! I want to see my son!"

"John, be quiet." said his mother.

"I'm afraid that is against hospital policy sir, all lycanthropes are to be quarantined."

"Remus!" Remus heard shuffling, and suddenly a hand was upon his own.

"Daddy?" he whispered. He opened his eyes. John was staring at him desperately.

"Remus?"

"Daddy, what happened?" his voice was weak. It hurt to speak.

"You're in St. Mungo's. Remus, I'm not going to leave you. These people are bad people. I'm going to get you out of here."

"Bad…?"

"Very bad. No, Remus, don't fall asleep. Don't-"

"It hurts." he said softly. His eyes would not stay open.

"Where does it hurt?" his Father's voice softened.

"S-shoulder….. Head." he winced as pain shot through his skull. Remus swallowed thickly, and sobbed "hurts."

"I know Remus, I know." he squeezed his hand. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"What happened to the dog?" he whispered. He tried to open his eyes again. His head was swimming with pain, dizziness, and nausea.

"It's gone now Remus, It's not going to hurt you anymore…. I won't let anything hurt you any more."

"I-…Daddy, I wanted to help it, It looked lost," He sobbed "I wanted to… I can't remember- Daddy, it hurts, m-make it stop."

"I'm sorry Son, So sorry." he sounded helpless.

"Tired…."

"Don't fall asleep Remus, stay awake, you need to stay awake."

Without another word, Remus drifted off to sleep.

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review please!


	2. Chapter 2: beginnings part I

A/N: (okay, so in advanced, I began writing this, several months ago, as two beginnings. But it was a really awkward transition, so I'm making it into two separate beginnings.)

I own nothing.

Beginnings

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Days of pain followed, Remus didn't think his head could ever hurt this badly. It pounded sickeningly; a slow, unsteady pulse that sought to overpower his body, sometimes supplying additional nausea to his already frail state. His stomach ached in hunger, yet heaved up his meals after he could find an appetite. He slept away most of the day, drowsy from the battle raging in his blood, but if he did awaken, the light hurt his eyes so badly he would bury his face in his pillow.

At night, John would sit him up, making sure Remus was improving. He took his son's limp arm in his hands, rotating it gently at the injured shoulder, where a gouge sought to be healed, and dug down into his muscles. If the pain got to be too much, lessons began.

"Spell high."

Remus squinted his eyes against the stinging in his arm and took a breath.

"High. H-I-G-H."

"Correct." John's voice was soft and soothing. "Spell might."

Remus stuck his tongue to the side of his cheek, and spelled "M-I-G-H-T."

"Good." John moved his arm a little further. "Last one. Spell height."

"Height." Remus thought hard. "H-…..H-I…. no…"

"Take your time" John moved the arm further. "Height. Height."

"Height." he repeated. "H-….. H-E-I-G-H-T! Height!"

"Excellent Remus!" Remus didn't notice how far his arm had been moved.

The days went by slowly, but soon, Remus was well. He left his bed, ate bread and soup. His arm grew a little stronger. One thing that didn't improve, however, was Mary.

His mother didn't seem to have a son anymore. She barely said a word, and Remus wondered why. John said she would come around, and she was just sad because her baby was hurt. Remus heard his parents yelling in the kitchen, and didn't entirely believe him.

Yet, Remus remained Remus. He could only watch as his own eyes changed from cobalt to gold, and his hair grew alarmingly fast. He was changing. He just didn't know why. It was only a bite, wasn't it?

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The pain in his head increased with each passing step, convincing him even more so that he should go back to bed, but John's hand on his back kept him moving. Down the stairs and out the kitchen door, John wrenched open the rusted hinges of the metal cellar door. Mary watched from a distance as Remus descended into the dark ground.

Through the shade of the cellar Remus could see flawlessly. The ground was cool, moist and bare, stacked with crates and barrels pushed up against the raw plank walls. In the center was an old wooden bench recently removed from storage. Atop it sat a neatly folded blanket.

"The moon will be up soon." said John softly, leading his son to the bench. "Just relax, alright?"

Remus nodded, and sat, grateful to be off his feet.

"I'll have to lock the door. Just to be safe. And I'll come get you in the morning." He draped the blanket over his son's meek shoulders. "Everything will be fine." he whispered. He stepped away slowly, and made his way up the stairs.

Remus drew his blanket closer as the doors closed tight. He heard the snap of a lock, and then, there was silence.

Remus knew when the moon rose. He didn't see it. He smelled it. He tasted it. He felt it like a chill of cold air on his back. It was a perfume of spring rain, and ocean mist. His nose stung, and his fingers tingled, as if from lack of blood supply. He nearly smiled, his senses heightened and mind alert, when the aching in his head halted. The good feeling left as pins and needles encroached. His body twitched, and Remus jumped up from the bench, as if from electric shock.

His nerves were tingling uncomfortably, everything working in slow motion. First at his fingers, and toes and feet, then wrists and ankles, up his legs. His skin burned, and numbed. Remus pulled his blanket tighter.

The silence was broken by a howl. He heard it from inside himself. All of a sudden, his nerves felt on fire. He shouted out in pain, dropping to the ground as dead weight, writhing.

He listening to the snapping before his felt it, his ribs breaking one by one. His eyes bulged in agony. The howl continued, calling out to the moon, a puppet mistress, pulling at his body to mold it to her desires. Growls, and howls, speaking in rhythm and rhyme to an empress. Her sensation of skin being pieced by needles contorted him, stretching and molding. She was an artist. A goddess. Frightening and powerful. But Remus didn't have time to fear. A howl raced across his lips. From the back of his mind it summoned blackness, the vicious thing he saw only in his nightmares. He shouted, screaming as his nerves and the moon light burned him alive. The wolf consumed him into the night.

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**Please please please review!!!!**

**Again, sorry for the short length, the next chapter will be up shortly. **


	3. Chapter 3: beginnings part II

(A/N) So! PLEASE REVIEW! PLEASE!!!!

Happy reading!

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(5 years later)

A beauty such as she had never been seen on a street like this. Pale and beautiful she appeared, her amber eyes never straying from her destination.

From the moment she swooped down upon the street , Remus knew what she meant. He hopped down from the upper braches of a maple tree, one of few in the dingy play park across from a brick apartment building he now called home. He thundered up the stair to the third floor, nearly breaking down his own door.

"Dad! Owl!!" he sprinted to the window. She was flying closer, barely visible against the overcast sky. He fumbled with the window lock until the glass slid wide open. In the owl flew, skidding across the rickety kitchen table, coming to a halt just before knocking into a plate of sandwiches. She blinked up at Remus curiously.

"Hello there." He said to the bird, reaching out slowly to stroke her pale feathers. She did not protest, and he ran his hand through her soft neck, along where the plumage was dappled in light browns. He eyed the parchment envelope tied to her leg. "Is that letter for me then?"

The owl held her leg out to him, confirming his suspicions. His name glare up from the parchment in emerald ink. Remus unfastened it diligently. It felt strange and electric in his hands. He turned it over. The imprint of the Hogwarts crest pressed into red wax was a thrill to his itching fingers. He imagined breaking that seal, tearing the envelope open, and seeing the words. Dear Mr. Lupin……

He kissed the envelope for good luck, and ripped it open in wild fury. Unfolding the paper, he took a breath, slowing his wild gaze, and read.

The door creaked open.

"Was that you making all that noise? Sounded like a herd of elephants down stairs." His father closed the door gently, and threw a newspaper down nearby. He turned. "What's that you've got?"

John eyed the owl, comprehension spreading across his face. His smile grew solemn.

"Hogwarts letter." said Remus, his mind preoccupied with the words on the page. He had already read it through, and read it once more. John stepped forward.

"I'm sorry Remus…" He put his hand on Remus' shoulder. His son looked up.

"Huh?"

John sighed. "I expected this. Its all the same, I suppose we will continue with home teaching. Or you can go to muggle public school, you'd do well there-"

"Dad, what are you talking about?"

John looked at his son, who mirrored the sudden look of confusion upon his own face. His son's face however, held a smile.

"Dad… I got in." The small smile broke into a wide grin. The owl on the table screeched.

John blinked. "You… what?"

"Dear Mr. Lupin," Remus read. "We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry! Term begins Sep-"

He was cut off as his father lifted him in the air, hugging him so tightly around the middle that he could barely breath.

"Oh Remus…. I'm so, so happy…." He whispered, holding his boy off the ground. "I'm so proud!"

"You're… crushing… me…" He released Remus, who took a deep breath, and smiled wide to his father again. John pulled him into a softer hug.

"I should've known." He said with a laugh. " But…. Here we are! Hogwarts!"

He let go of Remus in a whirl, thoughts suddenly springing to his mind.

"We'll need to go to Diagon Alley as soon as we can. I've got some money saved…. Oh, you know, I have my old school books back at your mother's house, with a little mending they'll be good as new… Oh, Remus, this is…. Brilliant. I'll be right back!" John raced into the small bedroom, leaving Remus alone with his momentarily forgotten guest.

"Would you like some sandwich?" He asked the owl softly, stroking its head. It screeched in reply. He reached for the sandwich plate at the end of the table, but stopped.

"Do owls eat turkey?" he asked the bird, looking down at the plate. "No, I suppose that's like eating your cousin. You eat bread though, don't you?"

He pulled the crust off his own sandwich and placed it before the creature, who scoffed it down gratefully.

"Sorry I don't have any treats for you, we don't get owls often."

"Aha!" John emerged from the bedroom carrying a parcel in his hands. "Here it is."

Remus eyed the unfamiliar object curiously. "What is it?"

"This is the secret to my own success!" He slid it across the kitchen table.

It was a notebook. An ancient, worn out notebook, bound in leather that was ripping at the edges. Yellow parchment stuck out at odd angles, and it didn't seem to have the ability to close anymore. Remus took it in his hands.

"My old notebook." said his father, looking on it with pride. "Every secret I learned at Hogwarts, every useful spell or secret passage, its written right in there."

Remus' face grew puzzled as he flipped through it. "Dad, there isn't anything written-"

"Or so you think! it's a trick I learned from a classmate, a handy one. Just simply tap it with your wand, and say "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.'"

"I don't have a wand."

"For now, mine will do. Watch." He drew his wand, an old and battered thing, and pointed it at the book's spine. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

Nothing seemed to happen. John handed the book back to his son. "Take a look."

He flipped to the first page. Words seemed to crawl like worms our from the fraying spine, squishing into an untidy prose.

"To Whom it may concern," began Remus,

"I write to you this September first,"

" upon the beloved Hogwarts express, for what appears to be my last arrival in Hogsmeade station. For six years I've roamed the hallowed halls of Hogwarts, and in those six I've learned many a thing. Some were taught to me by professors, but many a more were found out merely along the way. I write this all, knowing that, had I known all this before I set foot in the halls, I would have enjoyed even more than I already have. For this reason, I pass to you, good reader, the best of my knowledge; from the simple, practical, and hysterical uses for the summoning charm, to the exact principles on how this book was made. Use the information well, in hopes that every future generation will learn what I have, and beyond. Enjoy your school years, as they are in fact the best years of your life, and I only ask this one thing; as you leave, the book must remain.

Mischief managed.

JL"

His father finished, reciting his long ago recorded thoughts from the back corner of his mind.

"I never thought I'd see the day, you know." John sat at the kitchen table, looking as if his life were complete. "Not that I doubted you, no, I never doubt you. But when you were bitten, I was sure…. Yet the world is changing now."

"What do you mean?" Remus sat across from his father. John's content look slid away from his face slightly.

"People don't like werewolves, Remus, I'm sure you've known that." The boy nodded. "Albus Dumbledore is not one of those people, bless his heart, you don't know what he must have went through to have you accepted…… But there are people unlike him. People you've never met."

"Dad, I'm sure I'll be fine. I'm not going to hurt anyone-"

"To them that doesn't matter Remus."

"But its important-"

"It is, but you must listen! These people won't know you mean no harm, even if you tell them. Even if you've known them for years, they may not believe you, once they know what you are. if you tell them the truth… If people find out what you are you may loose your future. I don't want that. You understand?"

" Yes sir." he said softly. John's cerulean eyes lost their twinkle.

"You are not to tell anyone of your condition."

"I don't want to lie!-"

"You must! You need to understand! Do you understand? You could be expelled if someone finds out, you could be killed. If you're a werewolf, they don't care if you're a good kid. They don't care how smart you are, what you're like, and how can they? They're afraid, and you can't trust them Remus! You….. I'm sorry, just, promise me you'll keep it to yourself."

"I promise Dad." he said desperately.

"Good." John rose. "I'm going to stop by your mother's to get some things."

"Tell her I say hello."

"I will." He sighed. "Your mother may well be one of those people. I'll be back soon."

He left, slamming the door shut behind him. Remus tore some more crust from his sandwich and fed it to the owl, who still awaited his response. He scratched its head, letting his golden eyes wander into space. The clouds outside darkened for a storm, leaving the tiny apartment full of shadows.

"He's right you know," Remus said gravely, "People won't like me. I just wished they would…..You like me, don't you?"

The bird screeched.

"Animals like me. But people…. aren't like other animals."

He looked around the apartment, noticing for the first time the large peels in the wallpaper, and matching water stains from the ceiling to the floor. There was dust and grime everywhere. He felt claustrophobic, despite the breeze now drifting through the open window.

"I don't want to lie." he told the owl. It watched him with large unblinking eyes. "But it's the only way I can go. What do you think?"

The bird remained still, peering at him until Remus looked away.

"Hogwarts doesn't sound so fun anymore."

The bird nuzzled its head into Remus' arm.

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	4. Chapter 4: Trust and Bernie Bott's

(A/N) two chapters in one day? No way! Not from the girl who hasn't updated in months! But yes, I've done it! Here it is, chapter 5, read it and review it! Happy reading!

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Remus walked through the crowds of Kings Cross station with his Father at his side, nerves slowing his every step. Remus had never had much of a problem with crowds, despite their overwhelming aroma on his sensitive nose, and their clamor at his ears. Today though, the surrounding people made him uneasy as they towered above him, enclosing any chance for his escape. His head was ducked, and his wand was in his pocket close at hand, should he ever need it. Even so, Remus felt as if at any moment someone would notice him, stop dead in their tracks, and scream "Werewolf!"

The crowd would come rushing in before any hope of salvation could reach him, and, might it be an angry man trying to protect his children, a woman with hatred in her eyes, or a young child tainted with too many fears, someone would stab a silver spear through his heart. Writhing in agony, the mob would leave him to die as his insides smoldered. His father's face would appear above him. "Dad, help me!" he would whisper, life leaving him all too quickly.

He would clutch his father's shirt, but John would only look him in the face and say "You promised."

"I promised Dad, I promised, and I didn't break it!" he would scream until his voice was hoarse. John would shake his head.

"You trusted this crowd. Your future is lost." and John would disappear, leaving him on his back, starring up at the station ceiling, and waiting for death to take him away.

Though Remus knew it was only his imagination, the thoughts had plagued his young mind since John's warning. He tried to shake it off, hunching his shoulders lower. He felt a small sting on his hand for a moment as a woman with a silver bracelet brushed by. He drew his hand back quickly.

In his hand was his Hogwarts ticket, crisp all but for the edge he held firmly. Nine and three quarters gazed up at his. Looking around the station, Remus realized that something was very wrong.

"Dad?" He tugged on his father's arm. He smiled down on him.

"Yes?"

"The ticket says 9 and ¾" Remus held to ticket up to prove it.

"so it does."

"There's only 9 and 10. There can't be anything in between, can there?"

"You'd be surprised. Watch."

John pointed to a boy with messy black hair facing a brick divider, with an owl sitting proudly upon his trolley. Who Remus supposed were his parents, a woman with long silver hair, and a man with a cane and the same hair as the boy though it was grey, stood behind him. The father whispered something to the boy, who nodded, and ran towards the wall. Remus expected a crash, but the boy disappeared without a trace. Comprehension entered Remus' mind.

"Oh!" He exclaimed "That's a smart idea."

John chuckled.

"How do the muggles not know about it?"

"Notice-me-not charms. But they aren't really necessary. People don't notice things when they're living in their own bubble. Come on." John took the luggage cart from Remus and wheeled it to face the wall as the other boy had done previously. "Wheel your cart straight ahead. You can run if you're nervous."

Remus took a deep breath, push back on his feet, and ran full force at the wall. He got closer and closer, and the wall didn't seem to be any less solid. He closed he eyes.

A whistle blew nearby, and he blinked, skidding to a halt.

Before him, the scarlet Hogwarts Express loomed, pure white steam puffing from its stacks. It looked ancient, as well it should, yet the paint was immaculate, and the gears clean. The golden Hogwarts insignia shimmered as if it had just been cleaned. For a moment the sight stopped him in his tracks. His father appeared beside him.

"Beautiful, isn't she?" He lead Remus through the crowd, and this time, if only for a moment, he didn't feel nerves. He felt excitement. His father hoisted his trunk up an turned to his son.

"This is it." John sighed. "I've watched you grow, I've taught you all you could learn. I know you'll do well."

"I'll miss you Dad." said Remus softly. John wrapped his arms around his son's small frame. "I'll be fine."

"I know, I know." John let him go and held him at arm's length. "Be careful. Write if you need anything."

"I will."

"Remember what I told you about trusting people."

Remus' nerves crept up his back. "I promise." He said austerely.

"Good." John rubbed Remus' head. "I'll see you soon, alright?"

Remus nodded.

"Let me know what house you're in!"

Remus nodded one last time, and pulled himself aboard . He waved back at his Father before dragging his trunk into an empty compartment. No turning back now….

He decided to change into his robes, slipping the black fabric over his button down shirt, straightening the fabric so no wrinkles showed. The robes were a little faded, and large around the middle, but they were his now and they fit his purpose. He pulled his father's book from his trunk and curled up in a seat. He read through nearly ten pages before the door slide open. He hadn't noticed that the train had lurched into motion minutes before.

A beautiful girl stood in the door way. She was dainty, wearing a white eyelet dress, tied around the middle with a thick black ribbon, matching the one that tied her fiery red hair into a silky pony-tail. Her skin looked as if it were made of porcelain. She glanced at Remus with brilliant emerald eyes, which seemed a little red at the moment. As she tilted her head, Remus noted how here hair smelled of cherry blossoms.

"Hello." she sang in a sweet soprano voice. "Is anyone sitting here?"

The nightmarish thoughts were at play in his mind once more. The girl took a long look at him, starring him in the eyes, before stating, her voice full of fear "You're a werewolf, aren't you?"

He would nod, not sure of what to do, but she would bound forward. A silver dagger appears in her hand. "A werewolf killed my family!" She would scream, and baring down upon him, he could do nothing but beg for mercy as she stabbed him through the heart.

Looking back at the girl, Remus shook his head dumbly.

"Would you mind if we-?

He shook his head again, against his better judgment.

The girl dragged her trunk in, followed closely by a boy with greasy curtains of black hair framing his bitter face. He too was in his school robes. The girl began to hoist her trunk into the overhead area. The boy gave him a glare and helped her.

"Thanks Sev." she said as she took her seat. The boy, Sev, nodded. The girl glanced at Remus.

"My name's Lily. Lily Evans. What's your name?" her eyes starred curiously through him.

"Remus Lupin. Nice to meet you." Remus felt a glare from the Sev. _Don't trust anyone._ he thought quickly.

"Oh, and this is Severus. Severus Snape. Don't mind him, he's bitter." she said with a pearly white smile.

"Am not!" he said, his voice clearly bitter.

"You are too, don't deny it!"

Severus huffed.

"Ha. I always win!" she said triumphantly.

He gave her morose look.

"You should be excited Sev, Lighten up! We're going to a _magic _school……So, Remus, what's that you're reading?"

He looked up sharply, now nervous in conversation. "Its, er…. Just, a book I found…."

Snape scoffed.

"What's it about?" asked Lily.

"I…. nothing really. I just started it."

"Sounds stupid." said Severus "Why don't you read something useful, like a textbook?! I mean, why waste time on it, if there's no point!!? "

Remus shrank back. _Don't trust anyone. _Echoed in his mind once more. This boy was probably a person his father warned about.

"Sev, stop it, he can read what he likes." she smiled kindly at Remus, who didn't return it. _Don't trust her either. Even if she seems nice, she'll turn on you. Even if she's pretty…._

"What's your blood status?" asked Severus. Lily rolled her eyes at the subject.

"Half." He said promptly, trying to keep conversation short. His voice was a little higher than usual.

"Oh. Me too. Thought you might be muggleborn like Lily here, reading something like that." he rose rather suddenly from his seat.

"I'll be right back" he said more to Lily than Remus. "Excuse me."

Remus waited until her was out of sight to relax a bit. The presence of the boy made him ready to jump.

"Sorry about him." said Lily sympathetically ."He's just…" she sighed "I don't really know."

Remus nodded carefully. _If you don't say anything to make her suspect you, she won't know what you are. Act casual._

"So… are you excited? We're going to Hogwarts!"

"I was. Now I'm…". _praying I won't get killed. _"nervous."

"Well, that's alright. Everyone is nervous in first year. Like my mum always says though, face it head on and take it as it comes."

Remus nodded and fell into an uncomfortable silence.

"What house do you want to be in?" asked Lily suddenly. Her voice squeaked.

"I… I never really thought about it" _You're a werewolf. You'll be put in slytherin for sure. _He smacked his self-conscious for that thought.

"Oh. Severus wants me to be in slytherin." she bit her lip.

"it's a good house." he said.

"Yes, but…. What if I'm not slytherin? Then he will be so disappointed! Do I sound like I could be slytherin?"

"Not really." He said honestly. Her shoulders dropped, and he felt awful, so he added. "It's your choice though, not his."

"I know, but he's my best friend."

"He could still be. Houses are just for quidditch and dorming."

She pondered this for a moment, looking out the window. Finally, she sighed.

"You're right Remus. I suppose we will have to wait for the sorting, won't we?"

Remus nodded, hoping she was done with her small talk. He wasn't quite so lucky. A few moments later she filled the silence.

"Do you have any siblings?"

Remus shook his head .

"I have only one. My sister, Petunia. I-"

The door slide open to reveal a corpulent woman with grey hair pushing a snack trolley.

"Anything from the trolley dears?" she asked sweetly.

"No, thank you." said Remus softly

"What do you have?" asked Lily

"Cauldron Cakes, Licorice Wands, Fizzing Wizbees, Chocolate frogs, the likes…and a new product, Bertie Bott's every flavor beans. Be careful with those if you try them."

"Er, I'll take, two Cauldron Cakes, a Chocolate Frog, and,…. The bean things."

She handed the woman some money, and placed her armful of sweets down beside her. She looked at everything intriguingly.

"I have no idea what any of this is." Lily admitted ."Do you want anything? I'm not going to eat it all."

"No thank you." _Don't trust anyone. There could be poison. _

She threw Remus a chocolate frog anyway. He gazed at her, and back at the package. It seemed alright. He opened the package, and the frog leapt out onto the seat beside him. He and Lily watched it curiously.

"Is it suppose to do that?!" she asked as it bound around the compartment.

"Yes, but I feel bad eating one when they act like actual frogs." He took out his wand, and flicked it. The frog froze mid leap, and landed in his lap.

"How did you do that?" Lily gazed at him with envy and curiosity.

He shrugged, biting into the frog.

"I can do a few spells, charms and things, but I can't do that."

"I'm sure you could."

Lily grabbed the bag of Bertie Bott's every flavored beans, and opened it.

" What do you think the lady with the cart meant by 'be careful'? are theses dangerous?"

Remus shrugged.

"I'm almost scared to try one." she removed a reddish bean from the bag, looked it over a moment, and popped it in her mouth. She grimaced.

"Ugh! That tastes terrible!"

"What's it taste like?"

"Beets." she shuddered from the taste "I think they really are everyflavor."

"Let me try." he grabbed a dark beige bean, and chewed it a moment.

"Oatmeal cookie. Not bad."

"How come you get the good one!" she said jokingly, taking another. This time, a dark blue one. She smiled a moment at its taste.

"It tastes like my mum's blueberry pie." Remus took another from the bag, and starred at the color, a nasty greenish brown.

"I don't think I want to eat this one." he held it at eye level, and noticed little black spots in the bean's shell.

"Oh, don't be a coward- oh, Hi Sev! I was wondering where you had gotten to."

Severus looked over the two of them from the doorway, his eyes remained on Remus, who held the bean to his eyes. "What, do you think that bean is going to eat you? Just eat it for Merlin's sake!"

Remus popped it in his mouth.

"Uck! Booger flavored!"

Snape smirked. Lily made a disgusted face. "I don't think we should eat these anymore, do you?"

"Actually, they're quite fun." Remus said as the taste left his mouth.

"Having fun without me?" asked Severus with his now usual scowl.

"Yeah, loads!" joked Lily. She looked at his scowl a moment "Oh, Don't get your knickers in a twist, I was kidding! Join Us!!"

_Us? Oh no. ._

Severus sat, nearly sulking. Remus lay back in his seat. Lily continued to examine new beans, ignoring the silence her two companions took to. She was a nice girl, and her hair was as bright as her smile, but Remus, regretfully, could not trust either of them. He hid himself behind his book, where he knew he would find words he could trust with his life. Even when a visitor, the boy from king's cross with messy hair, entered the car to poke fun at Severus, Remus refused to look up . Looking up would mean making friends. And making friends would mean trust. Trust, as he now knew, meant almost certain death.

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	5. Chapter 5: The Sorting Hat

In times many a year ago.

When I was newly stitched,

And Merlin was of memory,

A brilliant plan was hitched.

Of founders four our story came,

And still exists today,

A school they built, in harmony,

To teach the magic way.

Good Godric was chivalrous,

With brave deeds, a heart of gold.

And from his head is where I came,

Or so I have been told.

Kind Helga, just and loyal,

Accepts all with open arms,

To teach those of all families,

And protect them all from harm.

Lady Ravenclaw, of logic,

Takes the brightest of you all,

Valuing a decent mind

When problems come to call.

And Salazar, the cunning,

And ambition helped succeed.

Of purest blood and qualities,

Are the students he takes heed.

I'll take you all, divide you up,

And find your one true place,

But know that we should not divide,

In troubles we will face.

So try me on to find your place,

I've never once been wrong.

For what you want is who you are,

In the houses you belong.

Cheers broke out from every corner of the Great Hall, perhaps even from the walls itself. Ghosts watched intently as the traditional sorting was upheld, and students attempted to act properly, yet they failed when reminded of their empty stomachs. The first years stood timidly, front and center, with every eye upon them.. The woman who called herself Professor McGonagall stood, unrolling a scroll as she did so.

"When I call your name, you will come up, place the sorting hat on your head, and be sorted into your houses." she peered down at the parchment and adjusted her glasses. "Aarons, Gwendolyn!"

A girl with strawberry blonde hair came forward, rather courageously as she was the first sorting of her year. She smiled at the professor, who returned it, and placed the hat atop her head, covering her eyes. After a moment, the hat bellowed "Gryffindor!"

Cheers broke out from every table respectfully, though the loudest came from the lion's.

"Addams, Laura."

A tall brunette came forward, muttering words of confidence under her breath.

"Hufflepuff!"

"Ainsburg, Felton!"

"Ravenclaw!"

"Baker, Andrew"

"Hufflepuff."

"Bernstein, Eleanor." A large boned girl shuffled forward, scowling.

"Slytherin!"

"Black, Sirius" A boy with styled black hair strutted forward. The hat sat on his head for nearly two minutes, before it shouted "Gryffindor!"

"What?!" shouted a stunned Slytherin, but the boy, Sirius smiled at the hat's selection, gave a military salute to the Slytherin table and made his way for Gryffindor. A first year boy with untidy black hair was the first to clap, followed by the rest of the shocked crowd.

"Blake, William."

In the crowd of first years, Remus tried to remain calm. His peers were all to nervous to notice him perhaps, but in a moment, he knew that every eye would be upon him. One look may be all the crowd would need to realize what he was. He tried with all his might to push the thoughts of angry mobs from his head.

"Slytherin!"

"Brown, John."

"Ravenclaw!"

"Bones, Iris."

"Ravenclaw!!"

"Calldenwater, Ian." a boy with blond hair stepped forward.

"Gryffindor!"

"Calldenwater, Jacob." An Identical boy stepped forward.

"Gryffindor!"

Calldenwater, Seth." again ,it seemed the same boy stepped forward. The hat stayed a moment.

"Slytherin!"

The two identical boys shared a look of shock as they watched their brother leave for their opposing table.

"Davidson, Penelope"

"Hufflepuff!"

"Drew, Alice!"

"Gryffindor!" Alice tripped as she ran towards the house table, her round face blushing the rest of the way.

"Evans, Lily!" Lily stepped up, her robes drifting out behind her. The hat slid onto her head, where it remained for just a moment, before-

"Gryffindor!" She jumped down off the stool, looking happy, but her eyes searched the crowd of first years desperately. As she sat, her eyes found Severus, who she gave a sad smile, before turning to the girl, Alice, beside her.

"Ferrier, Gent."

"Hufflepuff!"

"Heralds, Katherine."

"Ravenclaw"

"Harrison, Shannon."

"Slytherin."

Jamison. Daphne."

"Slytherin."

"Kane, Randolph."

"Ravenclaw."

"Knoll, Ethelda."

"Slytherin!"

"Lupin, Remus." His legs felt like rubber. For a moment his feet stuck to the floor, but a nudge from behind got Remus moving, up onto the platform. There, he saw a mass of black robes, with faces attached that didn't seemed at all concerned about the new boy before them. He sat on the three-legged stool and allowed the hat to be placed on his head, but instead of being plunged into darkness, he merely saw a badly repaired seam.

"Ah! A werewolf!" _Oh no. _Remus thought. The hat could talk, couldn't it? What if it told his secret ro all the school? He would be killed for sure.

"Relax child, I won't tell a soul." the hat seemed to sigh. "What a shame to be burdened with what others fear, a wonderful mind you have. I hope you receive some credit for it. Now where to put you…."

"Slytherin…" Remus couldn't deny the wolf in the dark corners of his mind. This seemed to be the only option.

"Oh, now, why say that? You certainly don't want that."

"I'm a dark creature. It's where I belong."

"Oh, child, what we are does not determine what we are like! No, no. Its our choices. You never chose your curse. Besides, slytherin tends to be the least accepting of the sort. Moving on………. Logical, very much so, Loyal, yes, Brave, very brave indeed…"

"I'm not brave."

"Bravery is not having lack of fear, but facing fear. You fear the full moon, you fear prejudice, you have a peculiar fear of small spaces, do you not?"

"Yes, but-"

"You face every one of these fears. You are brave. And then some. Still…. Where would you like to go?"

Remus could nearly feel the hat searching his mind.

"So little trust in people." the hat sighed.

"Trust is bad for me."

"Is that so? Child, not all trust is bad. I can see you don't believe me, yet you must know that its true. Where would you like to go?"

"How often have you been mended?" Remus asked suddenly.

"Why do you ask?" the hat seemed surprised to receive such a question.

"Your outside doesn't look nearly as bad as your inside."

"The same to you my boy. Better be Gryffindor!"

It happened so fast, that Remus sat still for a moment even after the hat was removed from his head. Light filled his sensitive eyes. Preoccupied applause filled the room. In a daze he walked towards the table, and sat beside Lily, who grinned at him.

"Congratulations!"

He cleared his throat, and said, somewhat coldly. "Thanks, you too."

Lily didn't notice his tone. The hall quieted.

"Manson, Meghan."

"Hufflepuff!"

"Margaret, Clara" a girl with pure blonde hair stepped forward.

"Hufflepuff!"

"Miller, Elizabeth!"

"Gryffindor!" The girl came running over, and sat across from Remus.

"Montovani, Antonio."

"Slytherin."

"Nott, Cicero."

"Slytherin."

"Novara, Beatrice."

"Ravenclaw."

"Oswald, Blain."

"Ravenclaw."

"I'm staving!" whispered Ian. "When are we gunna eat?"

"Never. They want us to starve." said Sirius from down the table. He looked very proud to be sitting on this side of the hall.

"Well, that's nice of them." said Jacob.

"Pane, Oliver."

"Don't worry." said a third year "Your year is alittle small. It will be through soon."

"Ravenclaw!"

"How many students are usually in each year?" asked the round faced girl, Alice.

"On average? About fifty, lately alittle less."

"Pettigrew, Peter."

"Why's that?"

"Old war finally coming back to bite us. Strange, we can't seem to keep peace for very long. Another war front's coming, my mum's told me."

"War?" asked Lily

"Just rumors, most people don't think we should worry."

"But, who are we fighting?"

"Some crazy bloke. Not much is known about him, and like I said, just rumors. Disappearances. Rise in black market, rise in crime. Not much else."

"Gryffindor!" yelled the hat. They clapped as a pudgy boy sat beside Remus.

"He's gaining supporters." piped in Sirius. Everyone within earshot starred at him. "My parent's rather like the guy, I guess. They're always talking about what Voldemort will do next."

Lily snorted. "What kind of a name is Voldemort?"

"A right scary one if you hear what he's doing."

"You don't think there will be a full out war though, do you?"

"Potter, James"

"Most people don't think so." said the third year.

"Are you most people?" asked Alice

"Gryffindor!"

"No. My Mum is rather on top of things, reading between the lines and all. She thinks we ought to be careful."

Sirius moved over to make a space for his friend James.

"Reginald, George."

"I'm still starving." said Jacob.

"Hufflepuff."

"It's not going to help just by saying it."

"Reins, Agatha"

"I don't care, I'm still hungry."

"Hufflepuff!"

They applauded politely once again.

"Rice, Salina."

"So, what's everyone talking about?" asked James

"The war threats." said Sirius

"Oh, yeah, my dad has been getting paranoid."

"Ravenclaw!"

"Your dad is paranoid about everything."

"Well… yeah."

"Ryan, Almena"

"I am so hungry!!!" said James

"Shut up."

"Hufflepuff"

"Well, I am!"

"Yeah, but Jacob has been moaning since he sat down."

"Simmons, Amelia."

"Well, this is James Potter speaking, and I want food."

"This is Frank Longbottom speaking, and I say shut it or I'll silence you myself." said the third year, pointing his wand at James' face.

"Gryffindor!"

They clapped once more as a small freckled girl joined the table. The talk turned quickly to quid ditch, as seriousness tends to not be a child's priority.

"Smith, Elijah!"

"Hufflepuff!"

"Snape, Severus."

Lily turned to watch her friend walk nervously forward, the hat covering his greasy head. After a moment….

"Slytherin!!!"

Her shoulders sagged. She gave him another sad smile as he left her. She turned back and looked down at her empty plate. Remus couldn't help it. He took a breath and spoke.

"Lily?" he asked, watching her intensely. "you okay?"

"Travis, Mary."

"Yeah." she sighed. "I'm fine. I just thought, maybe…"

" You didn't loose him." he said softly.

"But, the houses are enemies!" she said desperately. Her voice didn't ring like it had before. "You may have said it on the train, but now that I'm here, and see everyone…. Its impossible."

"Hufflepuff!"

"It doesn't matter what other people think of houses, as long as you know that it means nothing."

"Williams, Robin"

"What if people don't want us to be friends?"

"Slytherin!"

"They probably won't. But who cares."

She looked up at him carefully. "Your right Remus."

"Xavier, Jonathon."

"I hope so." said Remus, he didn't add _for your sake . _

"Me too." she managed a small smile. Suddenly, Remus realized what he was doing. He turned back to his own empty plate without another word.

"Slytherin!"

"I am so bloody hungry!" said James

"That's it, your silenced." Frank drew his wand.

"Zantera, Ellen ."

"Wait!" said Alice "This is the last person!"

"Thank Merlin!"

"Slytherin!" they all cheered.

"Food! I need food!"

"Hold on. Dumbledore says a speech first."

Remus turned to see Proffessor Dumbledore for the first time, a legend. To his surprise, he looked more like a grandfather than a sorcerer. His blue silk robes twinkled in the candlelight.

"Welcome to another year at Hogwarts. This, of course, is not the time for speech making, as I'm sure you are all ready to eat your plates. Please refrain, I understand they are not pleasant to digest. Dig in."

Food materialzed before them, and was devoured within an instant.

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	6. Chapter 6: Unneccessary introductions

Thanks to my reviewers, you made me happy :)

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At the very top of Gryffindor tower, Six boys gathered between two four poster beds. Sirius Black, a boy with hair worthy of a fashion magazine, had already made himself at home in the lion's den. He leaned casually against his mattress, engrossed in conversation. He spoke to James who lay on his bed, messy hair sticking up terribly from the pillow. They seemed to know a great deal of what the other knew.

The two Calldenwater triplets kept to themselves, most likely discussing the fate of their now separated brother. A pudgy boy named Peter bound between the two pairs, trying to pipe in conversation where he could (without much success .) Remus sat with his knees drawn to his chest, His back pressed against James' bed.

"Now see, my family were all snakes. Every one of them." Sirius told James. "They told me I would be sleeping down near the dungeons. Told me every secret of the dormitory, even secret passages that they take to classes. Too bad they couldn't tell me about Gryffindor, aye?"

"Too bad?! Mate, you've got the in! A secret weapon! The slytherins won't even know what's hit them when the wake up with permanent stick charms on their pillows!" James eyes sparkled with delight.

"No, they can tell who's in the dormitory. If you're not suppose to be there, its booby trapped."

"Well Merlin, there goes my plan. I'll think of something though. Maybe we could-"

"Golly!" shouted one of the triplet boys. " I never would-"

Sirius turned to him and snickered.

"What?"

"You said golly." he responded, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Am I not suppose to?" said the boy, slightly put off.

"Never heard anyone use golly before!"

" Eh, let him say what he wants!" said the James, a cocky smile etched across his face. "But, you know, this is going to be bloody confusing! The three of you all look the same, and two are right here. Which one are you then?"

Everyone turned their attention to him.

"I'm Ian." said the boy who said golly. "That's Jacob."

"Well then!" said James, appearing very much like a energetic politician. "I'm James Theophylaktos Potter, only son of Veldoma and Theophylaktos Potter, of the house of Potter. I'm eleven, I like quidditch. I am the only person in my family with a normal first name. And this year I plan to introduce the school poltergeist to water balloons."

"You wouldn't!" said the triplets. James cracked an evil smile.

"But I would. Sirius, you're next."

Sirius cocked an eyebrow. "Why?"

"So we can all get to know each other!" Said James with false sunny enthusiasm, clapping his hands together. He turned to Sirius and pouted. "Don't you want us all to be super great friends?"

"Fine, if it'll get you to stop, I'm Sirius Orion Black. I'm eleven. I am most proud of my amazing hair. And I plan to assist James in his quest to introduce Peeves to water Balloons, whatever those are!"

"They're just balloons filled with water that explode when they hit people."

"Even better than I thought!"

Ian cleared his throat. "Your not really a Black are you?"

"Damn right I am. I don't give a rat's arse about my parents, and neither should you. Your turn." he spat.

The subject dropped just as Sirius intended.

"My name is Ian Andrew Calldenwater. Triplet of Jacob here. I am the champion of Exploding Snap. And I will be avoiding the poltergeist at all costs this year if you two introduce him to anything."

"Oh, we will, don't worry."

"I'm Jacob Anthony Calldenwater. I am terminated in Exploding Snap by Ian nearly every day. And that is my entire existence. Oh, I have an awesome chocolate frog card collection."

"Which he is loosing to me tomorrow when we play exploding snap!"

"I'm never playing that game again."

"Next!" James pointed at Peter.

"Hi! I'm Peter Pettigrew, I have no middle name. I have two older sisters, one older brother, and a younger brother. My mum is Laura, and my dad is Benjamin, the new beater on the Falmouth Falcons!"

"Wicked!"

"No way! Their my favorite team!"

"Does he get you tickets?"

Peter nodded. James jumped down off his bed, and nudged Remus aside to put his arm around Peter.

"So, Peter, mate, … what do you want for Christmas?"

"Um.."

"Because, I would LOVE some free tickets."

"James, stop manipulating our new _best _mate."

"Fine. Ger. You're so perceptive sometimes. I might have to make an honest living with you around, Sirius."

Sirius snorted. "Not likely."

James turned to Remus.

"You're turn! What's your name?"

It's a peculiar sensation to have been forgotten for nearly an hour, even in a room full of stranger, and suddenly have all their eyes upon you. Remus swallowed, trying to remain stoic.

"Remus Lupin."

"Its grand to meet you Remus Lupin." he said, in his exaggerated politeness "I'm James Theophylaktos Potter. So….." James let go of Peter and wrapped his arm around Remus, who cringed away from him. "Tell us an interesting fact about yourself. Anything at all!" he spread his free arm wide.

"I'm not all that interesting, to be honest." he said quietly. Oh, _Please let it drop. Please be satisfied. Get off of me and stop looking. _

"You have to have done _something"_

"I haven't." He said sharply. _Good, act angry. They won't like an angry person. _

"Fine, I'll make one up….Remus is the five time world champion of Water Polo! That's amazing Remus!"

"What's water polo?" Asked Sirius

"Some crackpot muggle sport the kids around my summer house like to play."

"Summer house?"

James shrugged "Our winter home is in Godric Hollow."

"How many houses do you have?"

"four… It_ might_ be three. I haven't gone to one in a while, my parents could have sold it. But we have the family estate up in the mountains."

"So, you're filthy rich, basically?"

"Yep! Moving on…… So, who likes quidditch?"

Remus sighed in relief and sank back into the shadows.

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**(A/N) I don't own anything except the calldenwaters. **

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	7. Chapter 7: Morning

**Sorry this chapter is shorter than my usual, the last few chapters were written a long time ago and I merely edited them, this one is all new. Hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer, I own nothing.**

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Lily was a morning person. She loved sunshine. She loved the feeling she got when sun filtered through her eyelids in the morning, as she lay in bed waiting for the day. She loved how quiet it was. She loved knowing that her family was safe, asleep in their beds. Most of all, she loved the red sky.

Fiery red hair was what everyone told her she had, and how could she disagree? Her hair was beautiful. She loved it, because it mimicked the sunrise.

Remus hated mornings. He hated sunshine when it filtered through his eyelids, piercing his sensitive corneas, as he lay in bed wishing he had slept more. It was not nearly as quiet as night. He now hated getting up, because he knew he was unsafe, but most of all, he hated how the night was leaving. He forced himself up out into his unfamiliar dormitory, shoved on his uniform before anyone awoke, and treaded down the stone stairs into the common room.

Fiery red hair was what he saw, sitting near the window. He wasn't alone.

"Good morning!" said Lily brightly. Today her hair was braided down the back, tied with an ivory ribbon. The red and gold Gryffindor crest complimented her. "You're up early!"

"Yeah." he mumbled dully, not caring enough to fear trusting her. He threw himself down in front of the fireplace, as far from the window as possible. He pulled a quill and parchment from his school bag, which held more books then it probably should. Most of the books were secondhand. He inked his quill, and began to write, when…

"Are you excited?" Lily was sitting beside him. She smiled brightly at the prospect of conversation.

"For what?" he asked, continuing to write. He hoped she would get the hint.

"For classes of course!"

Remus bit the end of his quill.

"I guess." This wasn't a lie. He really was excited, as the smell of fresh parchment and old books promised him a good day of learning. Yet he was nervous. Most of his teachers knew of his condition. What if when he said something wrong, they exposed him? On the off chance this happened, he studied fiercely, but his throat seemed to close at the prospect, even so.

"What subject do you think you'll like?" Lily continued to pry. Remus tried not to spare her a glance. He noticed a silver chain on her wrist. What a great weapon that could be against him. Remus breathed deep.

"Defense." he said shortly. As to not be so rude, he added "it's practical."

"I am rather looking forward to that. What I really like though, is potions." She waited for a response, then continued. "It's taught by Professor Horace Slughorn. He's noted in several textbooks I've read. They say he's brilliant. Not only that, but potions itself is just incredible. It reminds me of chemistry…Sorry,.. Chemistry is a muggle science-"

"I know what it is. Atomic structures, Elements, acids, bases, polyatomic ions." He prattled, finally looking up. " Muggles explain magical phenomenon as scientific laws that barely make sense, because they don't know any better."

Lily starred at him for a moment. Finally her mind caught up. "How do you know that?"

"I read it."

"Yes, but… where? "

The truth was far simpler than what Remus said next, since what he said next lead to a web of lies. In honesty, his father had begun a rigorous muggle education, to give him an opportunity for success, if the wizarding world would not accept him. John taught him until his own knowledge was stretched to the limits, after which, Remus took over. Every day Remus frequented the local library, planed his lesson for the day, then sat in the park across the street from his home, where the foliage soothed him into a clear state of mind. On Sundays he gave himself a break from these lessons, and simply sat up in the few trees nearby, watching the sky. Every June he took a final exam at the public primary school, which he passed with flying colors. His muggle knowledge extended well into secondary school levels. What he told Lily though, was a lie.

"My mother was a muggle school teacher. She taught me a lot."

"Oh." Lily responded as if that were the most obvious answer in the world. "She must have been a very good teacher."

"yes, she was." _Don't lie! Take it back, take it back! _he shrugged off his inner thoughts. "I um…. I need to write my letter now."

He gestured to the parchment before him.

"Oh! I'm sorry. I'll leave you to it…. Do you know when the Great Hall starts serving breakfast?"

"No."

"Alright. Well, I'm going to try and find my way there. See you."

Remus heard the portrait slam shut, and finally he was alone. He poised his quill, ready to write, when his stomach gave a hearty grumble. He sighed. Remus addressed the letter, ignoring his empty stomach, and wrote:

_Dear Dad,_

_I miss you. Hogwarts is so different from home, and classes haven't even started yet. I'm in Gryffindor. I guess I like it here. I'm trying not to trust people, like you said, but I can't help it. I met a girl named Lily on the train. She's really nice and pretty. She keeps being so nice to me, so I feel bad being short with her, but if I actually talk to her I know I'll be her friend. That's bad, isn't it? Anyway, She started talking to me this morning, and I had to lie, I told her Mum was a muggle school teacher and she taught me muggle things. I don't like lying Dad. Anyway, I should go down to breakfast, my stomach is grumbling. Your journal is going to be really handy, I think I'll use it to find my way around today. Moon's in a week. Hope to hear from you soon._

_-Remus_

He dropped his quill in his bag and rolled the parchment. He didn't know where the owlery was, and he didn't plan on any adventure in finding it, so he tucked the scroll neatly in his bag. Remus grabbed his father's notebook, flipped through to the third page, and walked out into the hall. The book showed him the way.

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	8. Chapter 8:Classroom Clamour

Disclaimer: Don't own this.

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For someone who had been eating cheese sandwiches and toast for most of his life, breakfast in the Great Hall was unreal to Remus. Even in the early hours of morning, the four house tables lay home to piles and mounds of delectable food unlike any other school of its kind. Breads and jams, pastries, muffins, fruit, eggs, whatever Remus would ever wish to eat in his lifetime was sitting before him on golden platters. He was glad to have his father's book in hand to direct his way, for his stomach gave a hearty growl just as he sat at his house table. He grabbed a serving of everything he could reach, knowing that with his metabolism he would feel as if he hadn't eaten for days by lunch.

The smell of meat awoke something in the back of his mind. He piled two additional helpings of meat onto his already stuffed plate, and scarffed it down as quickly as his stomach could handle, (or rather, he thought it could handle, as he began to feel queasy half way through the meal). Remus didn't realize how quickly time had past until two people sat on either side of him.

"Are you preparing for a fast?" the girl Remus recognized as Alice Drew, a fellow Gryffindor first year, commented. She filled her own plate with a small helping of fruit, adding far more sugar than was perfectly healthy to the top.

Remus ignored her.

"How did you get down here so quickly?" Lily was sitting on his other side, cutting her omelet into perfectly square pieces. "I left before you, and I only made it down moments ago!"

Remus shrugged, his shoulders brushing their's. He suddenly felt like he was beset in battle. He let his fork clatter onto his plate, and made to leave.

"Where are you going?" Lily turned, a knife in hand. She grabbed him by the collar, starring him in the face with her piercing green eyes. She held the knife to his throat. For a split second Remus thought it real. Then reality caught up with him.

"Are you alright?" Lily starred at the small boy before her, who had panic in his eyes and a clogged throat. Remus took a gasp of air and swallowed, nodding.

"Where are you going?"

"Class. I'm going to try to find my way." He sputtered out the answer, and turned away before they could object. Lily went back to cutting up her breakfast.

---------------

Remus had been looking forward to a year of intense learning, but judging by his first class, he was sadly mistaken. Professor Flitwick was a tiny wizard, who stood on a pile of textbooks just to see above his desk. After waiting several minutes for lost students to enter, he presented a class outline. Theory would consume the first month of teaching, to be followed by a snail paced lesson plan of basic charms, all of which Remus had heard of, and half of which he had succeeded in casting. All the same, Remus stored the words of his new professor in the front of his mind, a talent he would soon find very handy, as he only had to half listen to process every word. The least appealing part of this class were the habits of his classmates, claustrophobia, and the smell of ink, and this, unfortunately, occupied the other half of his attention.

Lycanthropy had its 'benefits'. A werewolf, even in the human state, has heightened senses, most commonly hearing and smell. For example, a students foot taping on a desk across the room sounds as if the desk is pressed to a lycanthrope's ear. The scratching of quills is fingernails on a chalkboard. The aroma of ink fills the air like a chocking smog, even with Remus sitting against a wall of open windows.

The voices of James Potter and Sirius Black scoping out their new classmates as potential victims were particularly annoying, especially when his own name came up. Remus would not be taking a candy from either of them in fear of turning into a sloth.

The two seemed to know each other peculiarly well, seeing as they had met a mere twenty-four hours earlier. They discussed their similar quidditch team, the Falmouth Falcons ("They're so Badass!"), chocolate frogs ("I have doubles of every card except Roderick the Rambunctious!" "Me too! I have a bet with my cousin that they don't even make that card!"), and books ("why read when you can do something else, like… not reading? Besides, who doesn't know this stuff?") . The two snickered and whispered conspicuously, which was irritating even without superhuman hearing.

"Next week we will be discussing the importance of wand movement" "I'm bored" "I can't believe how rude that Potter kid is, I hope he doesn't-" "How do you spell 'ukulele?' it doesn't have three u's does it?-" "So like I was telling my father the other day-" "I'm homesick. I miss pie.-" "Remus are you alright?"

He clenched his hand into a fist, breaking his quill in two. Lily was watching him from two seats down, watching his face as every conversation in the classroom filled his mind at once. He could only nod, and pushed himself to listen as hard as he could to Flitwick's words. There were far too many people in this room. He was trapped. _Don't trust anyone. _

The bell ringing was as good as any salvation Remus could wish for. He waited for the crowd of students to simmer away until he took his first step into the corridor rush. In it, he felt like he was a leaf atop white rapids, rapids that could have you burned at the stake for being what you are. He pulled into himself, crossing his arms. He felt a tap on his shoulder.

"Remus, Hi, I just asked Professor Flitwick," Lily held up a piece of parchment "He gave me directions to potions, down in the dungeons. Would you like to find it with me?"

_In the dungeons?_ he thought _How convenient of a place to be cornered and slaughtered…. _

"No, thank you." he said, keeping his voice calm. "I can find it on my own."

Lily raised an eyebrow. "But I have directions, really…"

"I'll see you there…" Remus turned in the opposite direction and was swallowed by the crowd. Looking back, he saw a very confused Lily. He felt awful.

_You're such a idiot sometimes, you know that? _One side of his inner thoughts screamed _She was only trying to help, she's really a nice girl, and you're treating her like a piece of dung._

_DON'T TRUST ANYONE! _The other side of his thoughts chimed in, attempting with success to overpower the other. _Not Lily Evans, not anyone! It could be the death of you! Don't mess this up!!_

_This won't mess it up! _the voice fought back_ Friends should be made. Friends should be trusted. Lily Evans is a friend. She wouldn't hurt a fly!_

_How do you know? If the truth slipped , she could have an ugly side…. Its too dangerous!_

_After all…_ growled a voice he hadn't counted on hearing so soon. _You're just as dangerous as they say. Why not just attack them all? Really, they deserve it, you know they deserve it !_

"Get out of my head!" he shouted. Several students around Remus gave him concerned looks. He stooped his head and ducked into the nearest empty area he could find, which so happened to be a bathroom.

Stumbling over to the sinks, Remus splashed water into his face, ignoring his reflection. His breathing was irregular, his mouth dry. He cupped his hands, filling them with water, and drank deeply.

_Don't try to hide! Look at yourself! What a glorious monster you are! _

He looked at his reflection, seeing nothing but a pale boy with a wet face.

_You're not suppose to be in my head yet. You only come a day before the moon, not now-_

_I'm always here. Always in the back of your mind. Do you not like that Remmy? Don't you like your furry little friend? What a shame…._

Remus shook his head, like a dog coming in from a rainstorm. He needed to get to class. Reaching into his bag, he found his father's notebook. He flipped to a page with directions to the dungeons.

"Knock four times on the unicorn tapestry on the third floor, west wing, and say 'snidget'." He had seen a unicorn tapestry on his way to charms. Heading for that and shook away his thoughts, even those that were not really his own. The wolf would be dealt with later.

-----------

Remus made it to class moments before Lily and her friend Alice, and he found the classroom void of students. Apparently the dungeons were very difficult to find.

"How'd you get down here so fast?" Lily asked. He shrugged,

_You could just show her the book. You don't need to lie._

"I walked." He replied, and took a seat in the back of the classroom, (it felt more like a cave at this point), and took out his parchment and quill. Some Slytherins arrived behind him.

"Aha! Early are we?!" A man with a walrus mustache slammed a door on the far side of the room. "Wonderful!! Shows great ambition! Now lets see…."

He walked forward, taking note of each students face, now totaling eight pupils.

"I, of course, am Professor Slughorn, you-" He pointed at a slytherin boy "Are you Nott's boy?"

"Yes sir! He's spoken most highly of you, says you're the best potions master in England, if not all Europe!"

Slughorn laughed, his large stomach moving up and down "Does he now? How lovely. Your father, of course, could always out brew me when it came to antidotes, I can tell you that! A lovely man he is, do send my regards! it's a pleasure to have a Nott boy in Slytherin under my watchful eye!"

Two more students entered, Slytherins.

"Miss Bernstein!" a scarily large boned girl had caught Slughorn's attention. "How lovely to see you! Your uncle, how is he? I heard he's recovered at last?"

The girl nodded, but said nothing else. A crowd of both slytherin and Gryffindor entered, creating too much volume for the conversations to continue. Slughorn took his place at the front of the class, standing behind four simmering caldrons. Combined, they created an oddly pleasant bitter aroma, like rotting wood and gunpowder.

"Hello! Come on in, take a seat! Class is about to begin!"

Remus watched Lily, her face filled with an odd strain. He saw her eyes meet Severus' and she looked away quickly. Before Remus could doubt himself he poked Lily's arm.

"Hm?" she turned to look at him. Her eyes were more vibrant than her remembered. "What is it?"

"Sit with Severus." he said softly, hoping he hadn't opened himself up to conversation. His hopes we crushed.

"I can't!" She leaned down lower to him and whispered "The slytherins are glaring."

"Not most of them. Not Severus. You should go. "

She turned to see if he was true to his word.

"I…. You're right." she straightened her spine. "Thanks Remus."

Remus watched as she marched towards the invisible house boundary. She crossed it without missing a step, gaining several odd looks from the more knowledgeable students. She placed her books at the empty seat beside her friend and smiled. From what Remus could see, Severus returned it. He didn't look as scary when he did.

"Class will begin now! Take your seats everybody!"

The remaining students scrambled for a seat, and a silence fell over the room. Remus' ears were grateful for it.

"Hello and welcome to Potions! I," he gestured to himself widely "am professor Horace Slughorn! I will be your professor this year, and hopefully for longer, I daresay. We will begin with a very simple review! Before me are four potions, none of which are alike. I expect nothing of you in the next hour except that you try your very best! Lets see what we know."

He scanned the class, his eyes landing on a slytherin boy.

"…. Mr…. you there, third row, what's your name?"

The boy with sleek black hair and a nasty smirk looked up and answered.

"Blake, sir. William Blake."

"Well, Mr. Blake, would you be able to tell me the name of this little potion right here?"

"No sir, I would not." his smirk extended deeper into his cheeks.

"Oh, come now! Give it a try! A simple guess! Maybe its bubble juice! Maybe it's a deadly poison! The choice is yours!"

"No."

"Oh… well then!" Slughorn browsed the students before him. "let's see……. Potter! Can you recognize any of these potions in front of me?"

James looked up from an elaborate doodle he had begun in the class before.

"Erm……. That one, there." he pointed towards goopy looking potion that reminded Remus of a sort of boiling chowder. It smelled like burnt rubber. "My dad once showed me some, it's Polyjuice Potion. I think. Or it could just be vomit."

"Very good Mr. Potter, I assure you it is not vomit…. But Polyjuice Potion, a tricky little brew. About a month's time to create, depending on how well it stews and when the full moon is. Can anyone tell me what it does?"

Lily's hand shot up like lightning, as well as Severus'. Remus kept his hand down. He didn't want any attention on him at the moment.

"Ah, Miss….?"

"Evans, Sir. Lily Evans."

"Well than Miss Evans, what exactly is the purpose of this potion?"

"It changes the outward appearance of the drinker to match that of who they took something of, such as hair, or blood."

"Wonderful! Very well put. 5 points to Gryffindor! Now who can tell me, What are the downfalls of this potion- Miss Evans again! Delightful!"

"The potion wears off after only an hour, and does not change all characteristics of the drinker. Posture can be a dead giveaway."

"Another 5 points to Gryffindor young lady. Simply marvelous." Lily blushed through her smile "You all need not worry too much about Polyjuice Potion for several years, I'm only showing you what you will be learning in the future.……. Black! What is the name of this potion here."

Sirius looked up lazily. "Shrinking solution."

He went back to a game of hangman with the boy beside him, Peter, who seemed to be getting frustrated more and more as the man walked towards the gallows.

"What exactly does the shrinking solution do Mr. Black?"

" It can cause an organism to revert back to an earlier state….. No Peter, there are no A's."

"Now everybody see here." Slughorn gestured to the flame burning brightly below the shrinking solution.

"These flames are not ordinary fire, but a controlled red flame, which I will be teaching you about, it's a simple little trick to ensure no potion over boils. Why would that be necessary in, say, an acidic potion?"

Several hand shot up.

"You there!"

A Gryffindor girl named Amelia answered.

"If the potion boils over it could destroy what's surrounding it."

"Wonderful, miss-"

"Simmons."

"Miss Simmons! Well! You don't happen to know-"

"Katherine Simmons? She's my auntie."

The trend seemed to continue, Slughorn asking, students answering, learning all about who was who in their family, and what rich relatives fell out of touch. Remus found it an odd teaching technique, but perhaps it wasn't for teaching at all. Slughorn purely seemed to enjoy it. The room had significantly less jitters than before, apart from the single tapping of a foot that was easily ignored, and perhaps a few quills.

"…..Good. Hmm. Mr. Nott. What are the effects of a swelling solution?"

"Swelling, sir."

"Correct, if not blunt. 5 points to slytherin. Let's see now. Who can tell me the difference….. Ah! Mr. Snape ! Tell me the difference between Monkswood and Aconite?"

_Wolfsbane. _Remus' mind was suddenly alert for this answer _Its Wolfsbane. that's bad. _

_Wolfsbane….. _said the growl in his head _Plotting murder are they?_

Remus shook his head.

"There is no difference sir. Both are a plant known as Wolfsbane."

"Good, Now can you tell me what these are commonly used for?"

_For killing fragile boys like you! _The wolf growled louder.

Snape raised his hand again, smugly.

"They're used in commercial healing balms to ensure quick remedial relief, though it is not very thorough."

_See, they aren't plotting! _Remus reasoned _Please leave me be…._

"Good! 5 points to Slytherin. By Mr. Snape's comment we can tell just how important brewing your on potions is. Remember, Be the brewer, not the brewed. You are the master of the potion. You can control how it works for you. Ready-made just won't cut it! Now now…….. Mr.…….Remus Lupin!"

Half a dozen heads swiveled around to see Remus in the very back of the dungeon, eyes wide. His heart pounded in his chest. _Act natural, and they won't know anything. Please Wolf, don't come back now. _

"Lets make this difficult now."

_Not difficult, please, I can't get this wrong-_

" What is the main ingredient of a memory potion?"

_Oh Merlin, memory potions? that's third year material. You need to get this right. Two cups of toads blood, but what comes before that…. Oh!_

"Jobberknoll feathers, sir."

The attention left him immediately.

Remus sighed in relief. His moment in the spotlight was gone.

"Can anyone tell me where the Jobberknoll is found?"

Slughorn waited a moment, but no hands rose.

"Oh, come now! Give it a guess, a the very least! Ms. Williams! Give it a try."

The girl Robin Williams gave Professor Slughorn a death glare.

"Jobberknoll?" she mumbled feebly.

"Not quite. Wonderful guess though. Jobberknolls are actually the common raven, if you would believe that!-"

The class continued with only one thing striking Remus as odd. Perhaps it was his paranoia…It was something that slipped into his mind,……… How did Slughorn know his name?

Slughorn had asked other student who they were, he had known some and called them by their surnames…. But for Remus, his full name was said, and Remus couldn't deny that he found this detail a little… foreboding. Perhaps he was overreacting. The man had a roster for the class after all.

Before he could ponder this, the bell echoed through the chamber, releasing the students into a clamoring stampede, He boosted his bag onto his shoulder and proceeded to follow them out, holding his breath as he was surrounded. He pushed through into a less crowded area.

"Remus!"

Lily skidded to his side, a smile plastered across her face. She looked at him for a moment, putting her tongue to her cheek.

"I just…wanted to say….." She chose her words carefully, and wholeheartedly. "Thank you."

She ran off with Severus at her side.

-----------------------------

Sorry that took so long! But hey, over 3000 words isn't too bad for a few days work! I'll probably be updating once a week from now on, just so I don't rush and skimp out of quality or quantity. Thank you very much for reading, feel free to **critique!** Please** review!!!!**


	9. Chapter 9: Man vs Beast

**(A/N) Ello There Duckies! :D Before we start, I wanted to apologize for how long this chapter took to be posted. I had my first major writer's block for this story. Hopefully its just a temporary condition, but I busted this chapter out for you. Now that classes are beginning again I'll be posting once a week, not sure the day, I'll let you know once a schedule is established, that might not be for a week or so, but I'll try really really hard to let you know. Oh, and this chapter is rather angst-y, I hope you like it. If you don't, let me know, so I can improve. Thanks so much, and happy reading!**

_----------------------------------------------_

_The moon is growing larger…._

_The moon is getting brighter….._

_Bow to her, why don't you? Oh, what a tyrant you are…._

Remus watched as the moon rose about the forbidden forest, swimming in a sea of night. Stars twinkled at her, half guiding, half greeting their mother light as she sailed across the sky until dawn. It was beautiful tranquility, usually setting Remus' mind at ease, giving him a wonderful feeling of love; the moon was his mother, watching over him. But now, Remus felt dread, not love, at the sight of her, for tonight his mind was not alone.

_You betray her, Shame her! _the wolf growled in his mind. Blood pulsed at his temples _You betray mother moon, being human as you are. You're hiding the gift she has given you, are you not thankful? You can be strong, agile, fierce, you would dominate the world!! But you don't appreciate it, no…. her gift goes to waste._

"I'm sorry" Remus whispered to the sky, drawing his knees to his chest. He pressed his forehead against the cool glass of the window where he had found his resting place, an alcove beside his bed in the dormitory. He had abandoned his school robes, and now wore old night clothes, too short in the legs to cover his thin ankles. The dormitory was empty.

_Traitor._

_I haven't betrayed her _Remus thought calmly, his hair growing down into his eyes. _I would never betray my mother…._

_Lies. You betray her. You disgrace her.._

_I haven't, I haven't! _he explained, grasping for words _I love her…. as any son loves his mother! I could never-_

_You're lying, human. Even you aren't convinced of the words you speak. The moon is growing brighter…. _

_You'll tear me to shreds if I don't say what you'd like!_

_I'll tear anyone to pieces who does not think as he should. I'll rip you apart. Let your human blood drain, its not worthy……_

"Stop it!" Remus was on his feet. He pulled at his hair. "Get out of my head!"

_Oh no, I never will…._

"If you kill me, you're gone! If I die, you die too!"

_Is that a treat to me? Why not just kill yourself then-_

"Leave me alone! PLEASE!"

He threw himself onto his bed.

_Oh, sob if you will, nothing will come from your tears._

"Leave me alone" He whimpered, his voice shaking. He felt the wolf pull away, retreating to the blackness of his subconscious once more. For the moment, he thought he was safe. He let himself lay.

The dormitory door opened.

"Er…. Hello!" Peter Pettigrew's voice squeaked like a mouse. "…..Was somebody shouting?"

Remus cleared his throat. "No, nobody."

"Oh," Peter walked towards his bed, to the right of where Remus now lay. He opened his trunk and reached in. "I thought I heard something…. Maybe its ghosts…….."

"Maybe." Remus felt his voice crack before he could help it. Peter turned to look at him.

"Are you alright?" Remus wiped his eyes on his sleeve with difficulty, and swallowed his sobs, and wiping his emotions away. His face returned to its stoic façade.

"I'm fine." Peter didn't look convinced. He thought quickly "I….. I miss home's all."

Peter bit his lip. "I know what you mean."

He sat on his own bed, no more than five feet from Remus' own.

"Me mum would make cobbler for every meal at home, and let me have the first slice, and even seconds!" It explained his somewhat chubby disposition. "I'm a middle kid, older siblings, younger brother, but she always wanted to make sure I was loved. I miss her the most. "

Remus nodded, unsure of what to do.

"Dad on the other hand….. Well, I don't like Dad much. No, what I mean is…… He likes my other brother and sisters best, because they can be like him. Quidditch and all. They're really good….. He says I fly like a sack of potatoes…. Maybe I'll be good when first years take flying lessons though! That will show him!"

"yeah." Remus said shortly.

"What about you? What do you miss about home?"

_Don't trust anyone. _"My dad. He gives great advice."

"Oh. I wish my dad gave good advice. My mum does that. What's your mum like?"

"She's…. He thought for a long moment. His mother…. He hadn't seen her in years, and realized with a wave of guilt that he could barely remember her. "Shrewd."

Yes, that fit her perfectly.

---------------

It was dark in the dormitory, the sound of soft breathing and staggered snores were the only thing heard. Remus could see perfectly, though he wished he couldn't. He wished his eyes were closed, so that he could drift off to sleep, forget the awful thing lurking in his mind. He could not. It was night, a werewolf's time to play, and so, despite his human thoughts begging him to sleep, the wolf refused to allow it. As to not waste his time, he wrote.

'_Dear Dad,_

_I'm rewriting my letter I wrote yesterday, since a lot has changed. I'm in Gryffindor, and I suppose I rather like it. The tower is nice, and my classmates are nice. I met a girl named Lily on the train. She's very pretty, and kind, but I don't want to risk trusting her, so I keep my distance when I can. Don't worry, I haven't forgotten your advice. _

_One of the boys in my year is named Peter Pettigrew, who's also a Gryffindor. He seems nice too. He started talking to me about his mum. It reminded me of Mother. I haven't seen her in so long, Dad, almost five years. I can barely remember her. I know you always said we had all we needed, but I miss having a mother. I can't even remember what was so bad about her, why we had to leave._

_The moon is getting closer, I can feel it. I can't sleep. Maybe it was a bad idea for me to come here. What if I really am dangerous? Yes, you say I'm only bad during the moon, but there is always something bad there, waiting, and I don't want to hurt people. Plus, I feel like they can all see right through me. Its easy enough to figure out what's wrong with me. Peter almost found out one of my peculiarities today. Luckily he's easy to distract._

_The food here is good, the beds here are big. I was expecting classes to be harder. People tap their feet a lot, which is really really awfully annoying, and I forgot how dreadful quills sound. I hope I get used to it, but maybe I just shouldn't stay. it's a huge risk. I should just stay in the muggle world rather than be paranoid forever. _

_I hope you're well, I miss you a lot. _

_Your son,_

_Remus' _

Remus tucked the letter inside his school bag, and finally feeling that the wolf had quieted into a fitful slumber, he drifted off to sleep.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Professor McGonagall had realized something in her last short years of teaching, and that was that children were always the same. The first day of term most were angels, starting off on the right foot and making their parents proud. Some were rambunctious, unable to stay in their seats for long, and this was understandable. They had probably never attended class. Within a week they would learn to sit still and pay attention, blending in with the rest of the masses. Few students were a huge bother.

Now, a week into the new school year, the façade of little angels slipped away so subtly, but Minerva knew she was actually meeting her students for the first time. Suddenly she could see who were the real little angels, the red haired girl with a nice smile, her friend with the round face. The Calldenwater boys were good enough, though they were easily distracted.

Potter and Black were awful, (they hadn't even attempted to hide this fact) and Minerva prayed they would learn maturity fast. They hadn't heard a word o her start of term lecture, lord knows the rules were meant for them, instead had traded their newest chocolate frog cards and discussed in depth how rare the cards were. The boys were knowledgeable, oh yes they were, but they needed to learn that a classroom was a place of learning, even if they had learned it all already. What didn't help the matter was the status of their parents in the school. She could barely reprimand them. They would learn soon enough, she hoped.

There was one student who was a subject of her curiosity since his arrival. She had heard much about him since his first day, he seemed disjointed, sullen, and altogether unhappy, but he was brilliant. His work could rival that of a 7th year's, and he hadn't let it slip thus far. She was speaking, of course, about Severus Snape.

Oh, she never did much enjoy teaching slytherin, their level of disrespect was uncanny. Severus was different. He barely fit the mold of a snake as it was. He had made good friends though, with the Evans girl. Minerva was happy to see that at least those two could break a house barrier.

The class before her now were her house first years, and hufflepuffs. The scratch of quills was music to her ears, maybe the students were actually taking in the information they wrote. And they all were writing for once, even Potter and Black! True, half were barely trying to seem intelligent in anything they wrote, but it was a start.

The class's perfect record was broken by one ducked head with light brown hair. The boy hadn't left her mind much, because she didn't know what to make of him. Now he was asleep, his head pressed into his desk and his mouth partially opened, looking close enough to death to cause some alarm. She wondered what was ailing him.

Well, of course it was the moon, Minerva reminded herself. The full moon was tonight. No doubt a lycanthrope would be affected somehow during the day by it's approach. But he was so frail! By far he was the smallest of any first year, looking more like a 9 year old than an eleven year old. His face was thin and pale, eyes downcast. His golden brown hair had grown in front of his face to the point of being in need of a trim. Dark circles, concave cheeks, and no wonder, he had barely eaten the past three days.

He was so shy! In the entire week, even at meal times, Minerva had only see him speak with two peers, Lily Evans and the round Pettigrew boy. Surely he knew how to socialize! Just that in itself made her heart go out to him. Were all werewolves like this? A different species unable to associate with those in the same genus, something like lions and cats? Of course he would be the lion, wouldn't he? Surely he was equipped. Watching him now he seemed more like a sick kitten.

"Please write me half a foot of parchment on the origins of transfiguration, chapter one of your textbook, to be handed in next week. Dismissed!" The bell rang out. Minerva watched as her students filed out of their seats, finally allowed to speak at the full volume of their voices. She watched as Lily, quickly becoming one of her favorite students, shook Remus awake. He gestured for her to go ahead, and gathered his parchment up quickly, shoving it all into his bag. Minerva cleared her throat.

"Mr. Lupin, may I speak with you?" She watched his face swiftly change from exhaustion to panic, to a stoic front she rather hated to see on children. He slung his bag over his small shoulder and moved towards her desk. The shrewd professor gestured for him to follow her into a room beside her classroom. She sat herself behind a large oak desk.

"Yes Professor?" His voice sounded awful, as if he had been yelling for hours straight. He refused to meet her eye.

"How are you?" Her voice changed from its usual stiff tone to a kinder one. Remus' head shot up at her. His eyebrows arched in confusion.

"I… I'm well Ma'am." He said quickly, lowering his eyes again. "I wanted to apologize for falling asleep in class today."

McGonagall became interested in stacking her papers momentarily. Remus continued.

"I had very little sleep last night, but I know it is no excuse. I will take whatever punishment you confine to me-"

"I am not punishing you Remus. Please sit down." She conjured a chair beside him, one with a hard, straight back. He sat with the best posture he could muster. "Would you like a biscuit?"

She pushed a basket full of the scones. The smell of it made his stomach turn.

"No thank you Professor."

"I would have thought you to be hungry. I don't believe you've eaten much in the past few days."

He never met her analyzing glare. "I'm not hungry Professor." He said as nicely as he could.

"How have you been feeling? You mentioned that you did not sleep well last night."

Remus nodded. "I'm only tired, Professor. That's all."

"Why is it that you haven't been sleeping?" The boy refused to show weakness, as it were vital to his survival. He looked towards her desk, lifting his nose slightly. He would not be broken down.

"I don't know Madame." he struggled with his words, caught in a lie. He sat still as stone, watching his hands.

"Remus." He finally looked up at his name. His eyes were a peculiar black. Menacing. She shook off her feelings. "It is my job to look after your well being. Please trust me."

The boy's fist's clenched, his knuckles suddenly white. He turned away. "I'm fine professor. May I go now?"

"One moment." she said quickly. He glanced at the door, ready to bolt for it. His face held a line of discomfort. "Madame Pomfrey would like to see you in the infirmary at 5 o'clock this evening. Bring whatever you will need tonight."

Remus nodded sharply.

"Feel free to see her throughout the day if you need anything."

"Yes Professor. May I go?" His voice rose and cracked. His hands were shaking. Minerva thought he was close to a panic attack, and she must be the cause. Against her more motherly instincts, she dismissed him, and watched him run from his seat and out the door. After hearing the classrooms door slam, Minerva rose, grabbing from her mantel a sparkling powder which she threw into her fire. The flames glowed green.

"Albus, are you there?" She stuck her head closer to the flames, feeling the tickling heat. Her mouth shrunk into a serious line. "I just spoke to Remus Lupin…. I think we have a problem."

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_Don't trust anyone, Remus, Don't trust anyone!_

_Kill her! Go back, you coward!_

_Dangerous, you're dangerous-_

_-never should have come here in the first place-_

_So close, the moon is so close, soon you'll be mine, you insignificant traitor!_

"NO!!!" Remus sank to his knees. He was in the forbidden forest, without any memory of how he had gotten there. It frightened him, amnesia was deadly. His mind was being ripped to shreds, piece by piece.

_Your sanity means nothing, you will only be more worthless-_

"Leave me ALONE!" Remus pulled hard at his hair, ripping it slowly from its own roots. His eyes clouded. The world spun. His chest felt like it was being compressed. Gasping for breath, he clawed at his shirt, he grabbed his head and pulled it in towards his knees.

_Oh, poor Remmy,do you want me to calm you down? How about a lullaby? Nonny Nonny, wolfy's here, now your death is drawing near….._

"You're not real. It's just… I'm going insane!"

_Crying varmint hear my song, there is no where he belongs-_

"What's happening to me?" he whispered. His heart raced out of his chest. His hands had gone numb.

_I'm taking over, Remmy, don't you see? Your body may be human, but your mind is mine for the taking….._

"I won't let you." Swore Remus desperately. His voice grew weaker with each word. "I won't."

_But who's stronger? Not you, surely?….. Give up. Save yourself some dignity. _

"I won't…" he said stubbornly. He felt his consciousness slipping away, like water between his fingers. The fuzzy outline of the world grew darker. "I can't…."

_Let go Remmy, It'll all be over soon for you….._

Remus tried to muster any strength, some inkling of hope to help him. Nothing could fight his own mind. His eyes were heavy….

_Nonny, Nonny, Wolfy's here….._

A pain shot through his mind, breaking his last thought to pieces, shattering like a sliver mirror. He couldn't fight any longer. With a last shaking breath, Remus drifted off into darkness.

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**(A/N) Angst angst angst! Read and Review please! **


	10. Chapter 10: learning

Hello! I'm back!!!! Pretend I never left please! So, I have AP's and our spring drama, and my violin all-state auditions in three weeks, so don't expect anything till after then. but after that, pester me please. I need to get these chapters out.

IMPORTANT!

_Italics _= what Remus is thinking.

"_Quoted italics"_= what wolfy has to say about it.

"Regular quotes" = normal speaking.

COMENSE READING IN 5...4...3.…2.…1!!!!

* * *

The world came to Remus through a grayish brown fog, choking his human senses . Secondhand air filled his lungs, already absorbed, murky, and moist, like industrial fumes, while his sight swung around, veiled and tunneled. As his hearing stretched a mile wide his head whipped around, primordial instinct and bestial intent telling him that he was no longer alone.

_What is that? _Remus wondered, to which a prominent growl took over. Moving with unnatural accuracy, Remus leapt towards the trunk of a high tree, clinging to the bark like glue. He looked through his fog to find himself twenty feet in the air, balanced, crouching, and ready to strike.

_What am I doing?_

"_Hunting." _the wolf replied, shifting their body towards the distant noise.

_Hunting what?_

"_Three beings. Listen to their pace. Their rhythm. Their volume, One is a large man. His gait is wide. His first companion is a smaller man who struggles in the forest roots."_

_We're hunting men?_

"_Two men."_

_Who is the third ?_

"_Tell me. Use your senses."_ Remus stretched his hearing further, wrapping it around the impending sound until he was sure of what he heard. The large man, his feet heavy and pounding. The smaller, fumbling. And a third. The rhythm was shorter, and more consistent than the others.

_Four legs?_

"_Well now, aren't we a smart one?"_

_He is leading the humans….. Not a centaur. A dog? A big dog._

"_Now that we hear him, it will not be long for him to do the same. Stillness is the advantage, as is altitude. He will be lead to this spot, but cannot reach us."_

_Why are you telling me this?_

"_I may seem a parasite, dear one, but I am not entirely maniacal. I am teaching you. Be still now."_

_Why are you-_

"_Be still now! Obey me or this will be difficult."_

Remus clenched his fingers into the bark, balancing his weight so he was poised to strike.

"_Oh the glory of thumbs. Perhaps it is the only downfall of my kind….. Our kind, really. Isn't that advantageous for the both of us? Access to your human form? Certainly it will assist our hunt."_

_I hate you._

A jolt of pain jolted through his head, plunging his world into blackness and panic. The wolf had stolen his sight.

_What did you just do!? _Remus shouted into the depths of his mind. His own voice echoed in his ears.

"_Precautionary. Wouldn't want you to disobey, now would I?"_

_I don't want to hunt anything!!_

"_We'll then I'll just push the rest of your senses away from you. Would you like that?"_

_Okay, Okay!!! I'll hunt, I'm sorry! _

"_Choose your prey."_

_What?_

"_I know you understood me. Choose your prey. Quickly now."_

……_Not the large one._

"_A shame, I do enjoy a challenge. Why not the small human?"_

_I don't want to hunt a human!!_

Remus felt his muscles seize. In one stroke the wolf had stolen everything. He was gone to the world, suddenly lost in his own mind.

"_Not wise. I thought you were a fast learner. I suppose I was wrong."_

_Stop it! Give me my eyes back! Give me my Body back!_

"_You're not still fighting, are you? Do you want to lose complete consciousness? Or would you like to at least know what the body you currently inhabit is doing?"_

_Please!_

"_Say you'll hunt the human."_

_I-_

"_Say it! You insolent little scum!"_

_Okay! I'll hunt the human! Please give me my senses back!_

"…_If you insist."_

Remus saw his sight flicker on like a faulty light bulb, sputtering and dim. He heard the cadence of his approaching prey closer than before.

"_I will maintain control of this hunt, but you will learn . As of now, we are still. Silent. We are invisible."_

The footsteps grew louder, only a dozen meters away. The dog, still leading the way, bound forward with a triumphant bark, scratching at the bark of Remus' tree.

"What is he barking at now, another owl?" A familiar voice sounded tired and agitated.

"Nah, nah." Said a deeper voice. "He's got somethin' now."

"Up a tree? What could he possibly find there? We need to find my son, not a bird."

"Down boy, Down!" the deeper voice called the dog off. The dog, a droopy but vicious bloodhound, ignored him, continuing to howl up the tree until he caught Remus' eyes. The wolf glared down through Remus' pupils. The bloodhound's barks faded to whines as he slinked away.

_What are you going to do?_

"_Hunt human…. Ah. Even better, he is your familiar."_

_familiar?_

"_Your prey. Who is he?"_

…_..Dad!_

"_What we are going to do." _growled the wolf, _"Is put on a little show."_

Remus shuddered internally. _You're using me as bait now._

"_Bait is a harsh word, don't you think? I simply think of you as a resource. Resources are meant to be used…. Showtime!"_

Without warning Remus felt his fingers unravel from their branch, releasing their grip until he hung desperately by one hand. He let out a shriek.

"Remus!?" John ran forward, peering up into the branches. "Remus!"

"Dad!" he heard himself yell helplessly. His fingers broke loose of their grip one by one.

_Are you crazy!? We're way too high up! We could die from this fall!_

"_He will catch us. Trust me."_

_I have no other choice, do I?_

"_Now you're learning."_

"Remus! I've got you!"

A sudden blur of falling, and Remus felt the warmth of his father's arms.

"Remus." John whispered, burying his face in his son's hair.

"Dad, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to cause any trouble!"

"Its alright. Everything is alright. I was so worried-"

"_how touching."_

"…..Moonrise is in about an hour. We must hurry back."

"Wait!" Remus pulled away. "We can't go yet."

_What are you doing?_

"_Separating the flock for a wolf's feast." _

Remus glanced at his father, and then to the large man behind him, who watched with an obvious curiosity.

"Dad…" Remus whispered, his voice quivering hopelessly. "That man. tell him to go back, okay?"

"Why? Remus, what's the matter?"

"Just tell him." he breathed. John turned to look at the larger man.

"Hagrid, thank you very much for your help. Would you go back and alert Professor Dumbledore that we have found him? We aren't too far, We can find our way back."

The man named Hagrid cocked an eyebrow, but nodded. "I'll do tha', yeah."

"Thank you."

Hagrid called his dog to his side and retreated, his footsteps slowly receding into silence.

For Remus, the world suddenly moved into slow-motion. John's slow and clumsy movements were obvious to his quick eyes. Before the man could even turn around he was crouched and ready to strike.

_You can't do this! You can't! He's my father! _

His teeth were bared. A growl escaped his throat. His feet were steady and balanced. As Remus resisted, he felt the failure of his own senses. He gathered his energy slowly, from the corners of his mind, and in a last resort, pooled his concentration. He attacked his own mind. wolf screamed in his ears, but it no longer dominated his thoughts. For a spare moment, Remus was in control.

And with a desperate glance up at his father, his last ounce of energy left him. The world tilted over into agonizing blackness.

* * *

He snuck through the portrait hole as dinner began, hoping that most people would be eager for food, and his entrance would go as unnoticed as possible. The common room was deserted, with the exception of a group of 7th years laughing loudly by the fire, and a pair of fifth years snogging near the entrance. They wouldn't care about a puny firstie walking to his dormitory, but just in case, he tip-toed towards the stairs. If he made it up to the landing, he would be safe. He could close the door to the empty dormitory (he had seem James and company headed towards the Great Hall), change into night clothes, shut his curtains tight around his bed, and catch up on the mountain of homework he had missed until sleep overtook him. Everything was going according to plan, until-

"Remus?"

He swore to himself. Remus plastered a smile to his face as he turned to see Lily Evans and Alice Drew starring at him from across the commons. Luckily, they were at a far enough distance not to notice the gash along the side of his face, or the dark circles beneath his eyes, or any other abnormality that might bring about their concern, but it wasn't long at all before they ran closer, and caught sight of his degraded condition.

"Hi Remus!" Alice smiled, as usual, until she looked closer at him. "Are you alright?"

"Remus where did you go?" Lily frowned. "I thought I would see you in potions, and then you never showed up, I was worried....."

"I was sick." He said quickly. Lily raised an eyebrow.

"Sick?"

"You must have been pretty sick! You were gone for days!"

"What happened you your face?"

"I um.... fell." _lame. _He thought. _So lame. They will never believe you. Get your story straight! _

"You fell?"

"Well, yes." He ran his hand through his hair. "When, um.... When McGonagall called me into her office, she thought I looked ill. I...... I passed out in her room.... Fell ....onto something. I don't know what. But I had some sort of Flu. Madame Pomfrey wouldn't let me leave."

They both seemed to accept his response.

"Well, are you alright now?" Lily's eyes seemed to beg for him to be alright. He couldn't lie. Not to her. She just wanted to know what had happened to him. She was sweet, after all, maybe she would accept him...except that he couldn't trust anyone. Those eyes were just manipulating him into spilling his secrets. He wouldn't let them. He wouldn't tell Lily. A good person or not, he couldn't trust her. In this thought, he found the courage to lie once more.

"Oh yes. I'm Fine." He smiled wide to convince her, which it did. He felt oddly guilty. "I'm rather tired though. I'll see you in the morning."

He fled up the stairs before she could keep him any longer. He slammed the door as tightly as he could, sinking his entire weight against it. His body ached, his head throbbed, and his brain screamed for sleep. Reluctantly, he pushed himself towards the bed and removed from his bag the assignments Professor McGonagall had so kindly compiled for him. The papers covered his mattress. He got to work, not even bothering with pajamas, as sleep was now far from priority. He sighed.

_Not even three weeks here yet....._ He thought. _This is going to be a long year. _

**_----------Fin--------------------------------------------------------------_**

_Woo! Well, pretend that didn't take me a year to post, and this is pretty good! yay! REVIEW! PLEASE!_


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